Remember the campy 'Batman' TV series from the 60s? That one with Adam West as the caped crusader and Burt Ward as The Boy Wonder?

Where Cesar Romero was the Joker, Frank Gorshin was the Riddler, and when they got in fights you saw 'POW!' 'KA-BLAM!' and 'ZOWEEEE!' on the screen? Great stuff, right?

Okay, take the Batman you remember from that show - Turn the lights way down, Turn the sound way up, paint everything black, increase the killing, gun fire, explosions and human fatalities by about 500%, toss in Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman, shake very, very violently for 2 and a half frickin' hours, and you have some taste of what 'The Dark Knight' is all about.

Fair warning. This is not ain't your 'Feel Good Movie of the Summer' people. This is an intense, dark, dreadful, gloom-and-doom spectacle that is so devoid of life, joy, and any sense of hope for the human race, that it left us all wrung out and depressed.

Christian Bale [lower left] as Batman and billionaire Bruce Wayne, and the late Heath Ledger [right] as The Joker, are certainly the highlights, performance-wise.

Ledger's take on the insane, clown-faced villain is effectively creepy and strange. He's sort of like Al Pacino's Big Boy Caprice in 'Dick Tracy' combined with Jim Morrison.

Aaron Eckard (Harvey Dent). Gary Oldham (Lieutenant Gordon) do fine work too, but beyond the quirkiness and improvised lines from The Joker, not much is left.

The plot is incredibly thin, retreading the tired 'corrupt cops are as evil as the criminals' story.

The pacing is as insane as The Joker. One minute, we're watching a stand-off in a bank where 75 people are going to be mowed down by machine guns, the next minute we're listening to Michael Caine lecture Christian Bale for the 7th time.

Next we see the Batmobile tearing down Sumac Avenue with more guns and exploding police cars careening into Lake Michigan, then we cut to Wayne's penthouse, as Christian Bale looks longingly into the face his girlfriend (Maggie Gyllenhaal).

Unfortunately, more is needed here than neat looking cars and souped up cellphones. Hans Zimmer's soundtrack is less about music and more just orchestrated pounding.

The volume of this movie is out of control. Guns blast. Tires screech. Glass shatters. And all with a heart-thumping throb that after 150 minutes, starts to make you feel sick.

'As a whole, 'The Dark Knight' is a big, unpleasant roller coaster ride. The producers made the classic comic book adaptation boo-boo. If we don't care about the characters, there's no movie.

These poor Gotham City inhabitants plod along in their dreadful, lifeless world, waiting for someone to save them. And with the exception of two desperate kisses - both with the peculiar looking Gyllenhaal - none of of these people ever connect. Unless they're being punched or kicked or thrown up against a wall, no one even touches anyone else. I wanted to scream Wake up! Get a life! Get out of the dark and take a vacation for cryin' out loud!

Holy Disappointment, Batman!.

Just for the record, my 2 1/2 hotdogs are only for Heath Ledger. The acting from everyone else was so-so, the movie was loud (I had to plug my ears during some scenes), boring and pointless. It felt like eveyone hated each other. I have to say it, but in some scenes, I was so bored, I was rooting for The Joker! If you're gonna be a movie that's as anticipated as this...please at least deliver.